An Atheist Explores the Bible Part 49: A surprisingly good storyline. Plus haemorrhoids (1 Samuel 1-5)

1 Samuel 1-5

A surprisingly good storyline. Plus haemorrhoids.

Welcome to another instalment of An Atheist Explores Sacred Texts (Bible version).

In this series I work my way chapter-by-chapter through the King James Bible, commenting on it from the point of view of the text as literature and mythology.
For more detail, see the introductory post http://bit.ly/2F8f9JT
For the online KJV I use, see here http://bit.ly/2m0zVUP

And now:

1 Samuel 1

“Then said Elkanah her husband to her, Hannah, why weepest thou? and why eatest thou not? and why is thy heart grieved? am not I better to thee than ten sons?

Who is Samuel, and why does he warrant two books named after him? I guess we will find out. This chapter covers the matter of his birth. There are two sisters, Peninah and Hannah. Whereas Peninah has many children, Hannah is barren, although her husband doesn’t seem to mind. But she is taunted by some un-named adversary (who could have been Peninah, but is given as “him”), and prays to God to give her a child. Eli the priest sees her pray, moving her lips but not speaking, and for some reason thinks that she is drunk (is this a typical behaviour of drunk people?). Hannah vows that if God will give her a son she will devote him to God. It’s not specifically stated that he will be a Nazarite, but like Samson he will not cut his hair.

Eventually the son, Samuel, is born, and once he is weaned Hannah takes him to the temple where he is met by Eli.

1 Samuel 2

“And Hannah prayed, and said, My heart rejoiceth in the LORD, mine horn is exalted in the LORD: my mouth is enlarged over mine enemies; because I rejoice in thy salvation.”

There’s a nice bit of rhetoric at the start of this chapter as Hannah sings a song of victory (with not a little bit of gloating), with lots of nice poetry about how everything that happens is due to God, along the themes of the wheel of life turning, the meek being raised up and the proud being brought down. It’s not a bad bit of writing, even if it does (as these things always do) dwell overmuch on the smiting.

The rest deals with the younger years of Samuel working in the temple for Eli, where he grows into a man whilst Hannah has more children and regularly visits her Nazarite son. Meanwhile Eli’s sons, as far as I can make out, also work in the temple but abuse their position, stealing the offerings for their own use and taking sexual favours from the female worshippers.

Towards the end of the chapter a mysterious visitor comes to Eli and gives some vaguely worded threats/warnings that bad things will happen to Eli’s house because of this misuse of worship. I think. It’s not clear if this visitor is an angel of some kind, or perhaps Samuel in disguise.

1 Samuel 3

“And the child Samuel ministered unto the LORD before Eli. And the word of the LORD was precious in those days; there was no open vision.”

Eli grows old and half-blind. God calls to Samuel as he is going to sleep, and three times Samuel thinks that it is Eli, until Eli figures it out and tells him what to do. So eventually Samuel gets a message from God, that He will visit a punishment on Eli and his family because of the iniquities of Eli’s sons (and Eli is culpable for not doing anything to restrain them). Samuel reluctantly tells Eli, and gradually word spreads that Samuel is a prophet (or as this chapter puts it, “there is news that makes both the ears of those that hear it tingle”).

1 Samuel 4

“And the messenger answered and said, Israel is fled before the Philistines, and there hath been also a great slaughter among the people, and thy two sons also, Hophni and Phinehas, are dead, and the ark of God is taken.”

The Philistines make war on the Israelites, and are being very successful, so the Israelites bring out the Ark of the Covenant. However, although the Philistines are initially scared by it they rally, defeat the Israelites and steal the Ark. The implication here is that the defeat is because the two sons of Eli are present with the ark; they get killed in the process and when the news is bought to the house of Eli he falls off his chair and dies, and one of his daughters-in-law goes into labour and gives birth (it is implied that she dies in childbirth) to a son called Ichabod. I guess that’s the curse of God coming back to affect Eli and his dodgy sons.

1 Samuel 5

“When the Philistines took the ark of God, they brought it into the house of Dagon, and set it by Dagon.”

The Philistines put the Ark in the temple of their god Dagon, but just as the Ark in the movie burns away the Nazi swastika on the box it is kept in, the Ark in the Bible causes the statue of Dagon to fall over and break. And then the Ark inflicts the Philistines with “emerods in their secret places” which are … haemorrhoids? Really? As a curse from God goes, that’s quite witty. No huge, violent and obvious vengeance, but something that is uncomfortable and embarrassing, almost as if to say that the Philistines aren’t worthy of a more dramatic smiting. The Ark then becomes a kind of hot potato as it is passed from city to city, with each city suffering piles and trying to get rid of it.

That is, of course, if emerods=haemorrhoids, it could be interpreted as some other kind of plague that gives swellings. But I really hope that it does.