An Atheist Explores the Bible Part 50: Piles of Gold! (1 Samuel 6-10)

1 Samuel 6-10
Piles of Gold!

Welcome to another instalment of An Atheist Explores Sacred Texts (Bible version).
In this series I work my way chapter-by-chapter through the King James Bible, commenting on it from the point of view of the text as literature and mythology.

For more detail, see the introductory post http://bit.ly/2F8f9JT
For the online KJV I use, see here http://bit.ly/2m0zVUP

And now:


1 Samuel 6
“Then said they, What shall be the trespass offering which we shall return to him? They answered, Five golden emerods, and five golden mice, according to the number of the lords of the Philistines: for one plague was on you all, and on your lords.”

The Philistines, presumably fed up with not being able to sit down, ask their priests and diviners what to do. The diviners suggest making an offering of five golden mice and … five golden haemorrhoids. Let’s run that one by again.

Golden.

Haemorrhoids.

It boggles the mind. Even if “emerods” is taken to mean some kind of non-specific boil or tumour, still …. Really, that’s just a lump of gold, right?

Anyway, the diviners also say that the Philistines should put the Ark on a cart hitched to particular type of cattle, and send it loose. The cattle will take it home, which they do. The Ark arrives at the town of Bethshemash where the people are happy to see it return and sacrifice the oxen drawing the cart. Happy that is, until God kills 50,070 of them for daring to look at (or in) the Ark. Seriously God? The Philistines get piles and your own people get wiped out? I suppose the excuse is that the Bethshemashites ought to have known better, maybe?

1 Samuel 7
“And the children of Israel said to Samuel, Cease not to cry unto the LORD our God for us, that he will save us out of the hand of the Philistines.”

The Ark is taken elsewhere, and Samuel persuades the Israelites to return to Yahweh worship from Baal and Ashtarte worship, but the Philistines are on the warpath. Samuel prays really really hard so God sends a thunderstorm which demoralises the Philistines to such a degree that the Israelites win and gain back all their lost territory. Samuel becomes a judge and travels the land judging, finally returning to Ramah.

1 Samuel 8
“And he said, This will be the manner of the king that shall reign over you: He will take your sons, and appoint them for himself, for his chariots, and to be his horsemen; and some shall run before his chariots.”

Samuel gets old and appoints his two sons as judges, but like the sons of Eli they are not as diligent, and end up taking bribes and perverting justice. But this is not the focus of the chapter, which instead focuses on the Israelites demands for a king to rule them. Samuel passes this on to God who takes some offence at this but decides to give the people what they want, to teach them a lesson. Samuel gives a prophecy of what life will be like under a king, which amounts to the king taking a tenth of everything that the people own for his own aggrandisement, including sons for warriors and daughters for kitchen servants.

However, the people are not put off and still want a king. The gist of Samuel’s response is that they will get the king they deserve. This all seems a bit tough considering the theme of the book of Judges was that the lack of a king led to anarchy and lawlessness. We shall see.

1 Samuel 9
“And he had a son, whose name was Saul, a choice young man, and a goodly: and there was not among the children of Israel a goodlier person than he: from his shoulders and upward he was higher than any of the people.”

Saul is introduced, as a goodly and well-regarded man. Saul and his servant head off in search of some of his father’s asses that have wandered away, and in the process they arrive at a city where there is said to be a holy man. The servant suggests that they visit the holy man before going home.

The holy man turns out to be Samuel, who has already heard from God that Saul is on his way. Samuel treats Saul as an honoured guest (and also knows where the asses are), which confuses Saul as he comes from a small family from a small tribe, but Samuel has something to tell him…

We leave on that cliffhanger!

1 Samuel 10
“Then Samuel took a vial of oil, and poured it upon his head, and kissed him, and said, Is it not because the LORD hath anointed thee to be captain over his inheritance?”

Samuel anoints Saul with oil, the first instance of a king being anointed in the bible, and one that continues to this day. He gives Saul a collection of prophecies of people he will meet (and I’d like to know how the one man was carrying three goats), which comes to pass in a slightly muddy and half-explained fashion in the chapter. And “Is Saul amongst the prophets?” is a rubbish saying. What is it even supposed to mean?

Meanwhile Samuel calls all the tribes together and says that he will make a king for them, but Saul is hiding (“among the stuff”) and has to be found, but once found he is accepted and goes off to Gibeah with some fanatical followers, but the sons of Belial don’t accept him.

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