Dr Simon Reads...

Dr Simon Reads… 500 Words (2012 Winners) We now get to 2012, the second year of the competition and the first year that Gold, Silver and Bronze winners are announced rather than one overall winner in each age category. Because, I guess, the competition was still young and the BBC underestimated its enduring popularity, there are no recordings on the website from the celebrity readings at the final. I heard a couple of them on the day, but not all, so I don’t know, apart from one, who read them; you will have to make do with the BBC Drama Company readings instead. For more information on the 500 Words competition see my post on the 2017 awards; but in brief it’s a creative writing competition run by the BBC for children aged 5-13, who can any kind of story they like, as long as it is within 500 words. Three winners from each of the two age categories (5-9 and 10-13) get their stories read out by a famous actor in a live final, plus win a big stack of books. Since its inception in ...

1 Samuel 21-25 Saul is caught with his pants down. Welcome to another instalment of An Atheist Explores Sacred Texts (Bible version). In this series I work my way chapter-by-chapter through the King James Bible, commenting on it from the point of view of the text as literature and mythology. For more detail, see the introductory post http://bit.ly/2F8f9JT For the online KJV I use, see here http://bit.ly/2m0zVUP And now: 1 Samuel 21 “ So the priest gave him hallowed bread : for there was no bread there but the shewbread, that was taken from before the LORD, to put hot bread in the day when it was taken away.” I have no idea what that quoted verse mean. “ to put hot bread in the day when it was taken away ”? Does not parse… Apart from that, though, this is David visiting Ahimelech the priest to resupply with bread, and he gets Goliath’s old sword as a weapon. Then he flees to Gath but, upon hearing the people proclaiming him king becomes afraid ...

1 Samuel 16-20 David vs. Goliath, One Hundred Philistine Foreskins, and Absolutely Nothing The Slightest Bit Gay Happens At All. Welcome to another instalment of An Atheist Explores Sacred Texts (Bible version). In this series I work my way chapter-by-chapter through the King James Bible, commenting on it from the point of view of the text as literature and mythology. F or more detail, see the introductory post http://bit.ly/2F8f9JT For the online KJV I use, see here http://bit.ly/2m0zVUP And now: 1 Samuel 16 “And the LORD said unto Samuel, How long wilt thou mourn for Saul, seeing I have rejected him from reigning over Israel? fill thine horn with oil, and go, I will send thee to Jesse the Bethlehemite: for I have provided me a king among his sons.” Samuel is sent by God to the house of Jesse the Bethlehemite, where he is told that he will find a successor to Saul, and a more worthy one at that. Samuel pretends to be going to make a sacrifice, an...

1 Samuel 11-15 In which everyone has very bad motivational technique. Welcome to another instalment of An Atheist Explores Sacred Texts (Bible version). In this series I work my way chapter-by-chapter through the King James Bible, commenting on it from the point of view of the text as literature and mythology. For more detail, see the introductory post http://bit.ly/2F8f9JT For the online KJV I use, see here http://bit.ly/2m0zVUP And now: 1 Samuel 11 “ And, behold, Saul came after the herd out of the field; and Saul said, What aileth the people that they weep? And they told him the tidings of the men of Jabesh.” Nahash the Ammonite lays siege to the city of Jabeshgilead, and he agrees to peace only on the proviso that he can put out the right eyes of all the men of the city. Charming. So the people of Jabeshgilead send for aid to the Israelites and word reaches Saul. Saul uses a strange method of motivating the Israelites to war by carving up some ...

1 Samuel 6-10 Piles of Gold! Welcome to another instalment of An Atheist Explores Sacred Texts (Bible version). In this series I work my way chapter-by-chapter through the King James Bible, commenting on it from the point of view of the text as literature and mythology. For more detail, see the introductory post http://bit.ly/2F8f9JT For the online KJV I use, see here http://bit.ly/2m0zVUP And now: 1 Samuel 6 “ Then said they, What shall be the trespass offering which we shall return to him? They answered, Five golden emerods, and five golden mice, according to the number of the lords of the Philistines: for one plague was on you all, and on your lords.” The Philistines, presumably fed up with not being able to sit down, ask their priests and diviners what to do. The diviners suggest making an offering of five golden mice and … five golden haemorrhoids. Let’s run that one by again. Golden. Haemorrhoids. It boggles the mind. Even if “emerods” is tak...

1 Samuel 1-5 A surprisingly good storyline. Plus haemorrhoids. Welcome to another instalment of An Atheist Explores Sacred Texts (Bible version). In this series I work my way chapter-by-chapter through the King James Bible, commenting on it from the point of view of the text as literature and mythology. For more detail, see the introductory post http://bit.ly/2F8f9JT For the online KJV I use, see here http://bit.ly/2m0zVUP And now: 1 Samuel 1 “ Then said Elkanah her husband to her, Hannah, why weepest thou? and why eatest thou not? and why is thy heart grieved? am not I better to thee than ten sons? Who is Samuel, and why does he warrant two books named after him? I guess we will find out. This chapter covers the matter of his birth. There are two sisters, Peninah and Hannah. Whereas Peninah has many children, Hannah is barren, although her husband doesn’t seem to mind. But she is taunted by some un-named adversary (who could have been Peninah, but is given...

Dr Simon Reads… 500 Words - 2013 And so we reach 2013, the first year where I really started taking notice of the 500 Words competition. For more information on the 500 Words competition see my post on the 2017 awards; but in brief it’s a creative writing competition run by the BBC for children aged 5-13, who can any kind of story they like, as long as it is within 500 words. Three winners from each of the two age categories (5-9 and 10-13) get their stories read out by a famous actor in a live final, plus win a big stack of books. Since its inception in 2011 it’s grown massively with tens of thousands of entries each year. In each of these ruminations I look at the winning stories, and the celebrity reading, but I encourage you to also check out the other 44 finalists for each year; the writing on display is often breath-takingly good. Stone Age Steve and the Dragon by Christian Morton Bronze Winner Age 5-9 “ A long time ago in medieval times there was a boy called Steve, h...

Ruth 1-4 The Biblical Guide to Getting Your Man. Welcome to another instalment of An Atheist Explores Sacred Texts (Bible version). In this series I work my way chapter-by-chapter through the King James Bible, commenting on it from the point of view of the text as literature and mythology. For more detail, see the introductory post http://bit.ly/2F8f9JT For the online KJV I use, see here http://bit.ly/2m0zVUP And now: Ruth 1 “ And Naomi said unto her two daughters in law, Go, return each to her mother's house: the LORD deal kindly with you, as ye have dealt with the dead, and with me.” I believe this is the only book of the bible named after a woman (edit: no, there’s Esther), and after all the unpleasantness at the end of judges it’ll be interesting to get a female perspective. Elimelech and his wife Naomi leave Bethlehem for Moab to escape a famine (and there is a hint that this is because of the misrule of the judges as well), and they have two ...