An Atheist Explores the Qur'an Part 43: Allah’s Magical Sky Brothel, Genderless Angel Rangers and a Really Cool Evil Tree (The Ranged Ones (al-Saffat))

The Ranged Ones (al-Saffat) 1-183
Allah’s Magical Sky Brothel, Genderless Angel Rangers and a Really Cool Evil Tree.

Welcome to the next instalment of An Atheist Explores Sacred Texts (Qur’an version).

In this series I work my way chapter-by-chapter through the Qur’an, commenting on it from the point of view of the text as literature and mythology.

For more detail, see the introductory post https://bit.ly/2ApLDy0

For the online Qur’an that I use, see here http://al-quran.info and http://quran.com

The Ranged Ones (al-Saffat) 1-20

“By the [angels] ranged in ranks, by the ones who drive vigorously, by the ones who recite the reminder: indeed your God is certainly One, the Lord of the heavens and the earth and whatever is between them, and the Lord of the easts.”

This surah certainly opens in a dramatic fashion, calling upon the “ranged ranks” of the angels to attest to the unity of God. It looks here like some angels go out and fight evil, others recite sacred works (and later some fight devils). Its all fine and stirring stuff, some of the best poetry so far from the Qur’an. Note that the title refers to these arrayed ranks of angels; some alternate translations fit better, I think; The Devotional Ranks and Those Who Stand in Ranks (or The Rangers, which I like because it fits with angels guarding against evil).

There’s a little bit of cosmology too, where it referred that the stars can be found in the “lowest heaven”. Presumably, the layer of heaven that is closest to earth. It’s a little like the system described in Dante, except there the stars, the Celestial heaven, is the last but one (before the Empyrean, if I recall correctly), whilst the nearest has something to do with … the moon, I think. Or sun. Or one of the planets.

Anyway, after this the text goes on to offer the Prophet some responses to people that doubt his message, that say “When we are dead and have become dust and bones, shall we be resurrected?”

I should note that this chapter is written with very short verses so the blocks of twenty system that I use might not cover much each time. The quote at the header, for example, is composed of 5 verses.

The Ranged Ones 21-40

“and [they would] say, ‘Shall we abandon our gods for a crazy poet?’”

The advice continues, saying to muster the “wrongdoers” and polytheists and show them the way to hell, “[But first] stop them! For they must be questioned’”. The wrongdoers on their way to hell have to be stopped for a bit of gloating – “Why is it that you do not support one another [today]?

Rather today they are [meek and] submissive!” In other words – not so clever now, are you?

The wrongdoers amusingly blame each other, make some claims that they tricked each other to join with them in unbelief – “So we perverted you, for we were perverse [ourselves]” and admit that the Prophet wasn’t just a “crazy poet” after all.

The Ranged Ones 41-60

“and with them will be maidens of restrained glances with big [beautiful] eyes,”

The rewards of the faithful are given here, which to be frank sound a bit dull – reclining on couches facing one another and drinking from a fountain of magical drink - “snow-white, delicious to the drinkers, wherein there will be neither headache nor will it cause them stupefaction”. Presumably, given that these people are also rewarded with the large-eyed maidens, they’re all men. Which raises the question of what do faithful women get? Oiled pool boys? And also where do these maidens come from? Are they reincarnated mortals, or are they magic heaven girls? Is Allah a pimp? This is also all very heterosexual, but then I guess homosexuals get to be burned in hell instead because… reasons.

Speaking of which, these people in the magic sky brothel can look down and see their erstwhile companions burning in hell, and get to say “I’m glad I didn’t listen to you”. Weird. But they get to proclaim that “This is indeed the great success!”

The Ranged Ones 61-80

“Is this a better hospitality, or the Zaqqūm tree?”

All workers should strive to get into the magic sky brothel described above, and then this is compared to the Zaqqūm tree, which is apparently a tree that “emerges from the depths of hell”, with spathes like devil’s heads that the damned “gorge their bellies” and get fed scalding water. A spathe, by the way, is a flower-like bract; see the “flower” of a peace lily (spathephyllum, see the clue's in the name).

Then there’s a little bit about Noah being saved from the “great agony” for being a righteous prophet. I like this Zaqqūm tree; that and the ranks of angels gives me some ideas for a Qur’an-based planar D&D adventure (with the Elevations as well). Which is probably not the kind of inspiration I’m meant to be getting.

The Ranged Ones 81-100

“Then he made an observation of the stars and said, ‘Indeed I am sick!’”

From Noah we then move on to Abraham, who once again confronts his elders about their worship of other gods. The quoted line above seems to be a feint, since the elders go away and once they’ve gone Abraham taunts their idols saying “‘Will you not eat? Why do you not speak?’”. When they don’t answer, Abraham attacks them which brings the elders come running back. In previous surahs they try to burn Abraham and the fire fails, here he seems to convince them that the idols are empty. Now, to be fair, God/Allah doesn’t eat either, although at least for Abraham He does talk directly (but has since stopped doing this).

The Ranged Ones 101-120

“When he was old enough to assist in his endeavour, he said, ‘My son! I see in a dream that I am sacrificing you. See what you think.’ He said, ‘Father! Do whatever you have been commanded. If Allah wishes, you will find me to be patient.’”

I wonder sometimes reading these translations if Arabic is a language given to circumspection and strangely polite formulations, or if it’s just the way the translators have chosen to gone. This isn’t the first time an exchange has been amusingly understated, but I do like how calm and un-fussed Abraham and Isaac come across here. “God told me to kill you son, what do you reckon” “Meh, whatever dad.”

And so we get the story of Abraham and Isaac, and then a quick mention about Moses and Aaron. The key feature is that they did what God told them, and there’s a little formula that doing so “left for them a good name in posterity.”

The Ranged Ones 121-140

“And indeed Ilyās was one of the apostles,”

The short verses continue with another quick whizz through the older prophets. Ilyās is presumably Elias, who rebukes people for worshipping Baal. And then we get a mention of Lot where his family are saved “except an old woman among those who remained behind”, so once again rather than his wife disobeying a command from God we simply get an old woman who stays for no apparent reason. And then quickly we move to Jonah, who runs on into the next section:

The Ranged Ones 141-160

“Then the fish swallowed him while he was blameworthy”

Jonah is dealt with as briefly as the others, but actually looking at this brief framework highlights some of the symbolism of the story better – Jonah is in the big fish whilst he lacks faith, it’s only when he prays to God that he is vomited up on shore, released from his entrapment in the belly of the whale. Until he accepts his fate he is symbolically lost in darkness.

What I don’t understand, however, are the references to daughters in the following verses. Evidently we’re back to instructions to the Prophet for dealing with his people, because of the italicised verbs and pronouns - “Ask them, are daughters to be for your Lord while sons are to be for them?” I’m not sure what this signifies. Perhaps the non-believers are offering daughters as a kind of sop, but keeping the more valuable sons in the old ways? And I don’t get the point of “Did We create the angels females while they were present?” Does that mean that because the angels aren’t female (or… are?) then it should mean that the gender of the worshippers is irrelevant, or that they shouldn’t just be the daughters, or … what?

The Ranged Ones 161-183

“Indeed it is we who are the ranged ones”

Quite remarkably, the surah loops back to where it began, proclaiming that the “Ranged Ones” are the worshippers; they are comparable to the angels due to their faith. I like that, it’s actually a neat bit of construction whereas usually these surahs tend to hop from one topic to another with very little structure.

The last bit, though, concerns itself with the old polytheists of Mecca who claim to be awaiting a sign from Allah but are then refusing to listen to the Prophet. They want a sign, but don’t see the one apparently in front of them, which sounds a little like accusations levelled by early Christians against the Jews. “Wait and see” seems to be the advice.

Because the verses were short I was able to squeeze all of them into one post rather than divide them up into hundreds. If this continues I’ll probably abandon the 20 verses at a time and either address the whole surah as one, or maybe increase the sections to 30-40 verses. I’ll have to see. I’d say let me know in the comments, but I compose these well in advance of publication so it’ll be too late by then!