Dr Simon Reads...

The Throngs (al-Zumar) 1-75 Does Allah Care What You Think, Or Not? I Really Can’t Tell. Welcome to the next instalment of An Atheist Explores Sacred Texts (Qur’an version). In this series I work my way chapter-by-chapter through the Qur’an, commenting on it from the point of view of the text as literature and mythology. For more detail, see the introductory post https://bit.ly/2ApLDy0 For the online Qur’an that I use, see here http://al-quran.info and http://quran.com The Throngs (al-Zumar) 1-20 “As for those who stay clear of the worship of the Rebel and turn penitently to Allah, there is good news for them. So give good news to My servants” The Throngs begins in a familiar fashion, declaring that there is only one God, Allah, who created the night and day and all things in their place, and that the Qur’an is the word sent down by God. It’s pretty much a formula for the opening of each surah , at least something along those lines, and it kind of follows on from each...

Ṣād (Ṣād) 1-88 In Which Solomon Watches Lippizaner Horses and Gets Made an Airbender. Welcome to the next instalment of An Atheist Explores Sacred Texts (Qur’an version). In this series I work my way chapter-by-chapter through the Qur’an, commenting on it from the point of view of the text as literature and mythology. For more detail, see the introductory post https://bit.ly/2ApLDy0 For the online Qur’an that I use, see here http://al-quran.info and http://quran.com Ṣād (Ṣād) 1-20 “They consider it odd that there should come to them a warner from among themselves, and the faithless say, ‘This is a magician, a mendacious liar.’” This chapter is not “sad” as in unhappy, but “Ṣād” as in “saad”, the Arabic character equivalent to “S”. Which, for some reason, this chapter begins with, like an exclamation. Not for the first time do I wonder if this is just the zealous preservation of some kind of mistake or warm up mark in the belief that it has some deeper holy meaning. ...

The Ranged Ones (al-Saffat) 1-183 Allah’s Magical Sky Brothel, Genderless Angel Rangers and a Really Cool Evil Tree. Welcome to the next instalment of An Atheist Explores Sacred Texts (Qur’an version). In this series I work my way chapter-by-chapter through the Qur’an, commenting on it from the point of view of the text as literature and mythology. For more detail, see the introductory post https://bit.ly/2ApLDy0 For the online Qur’an that I use, see here http://al-quran.info and http://quran.com The Ranged Ones (al-Saffat) 1-20 “By the [angels] ranged in ranks, by the ones who drive vigorously, by the ones who recite the reminder: indeed your God is certainly One, the Lord of the heavens and the earth and whatever is between them, and the Lord of the easts.” This surah certainly opens in a dramatic fashion, calling upon the “ ranged ranks ” of the angels to attest to the unity of God. It looks here like some angels go out and fight evil, others recite sacred works (...

Ya Sin (Ya Sin) 1-83 The Big Book of Circular Reasoning. Welcome to the next instalment of An Atheist Explores Sacred Texts (Qur’an version). In this series I work my way chapter-by-chapter through the Qur’an, commenting on it from the point of view of the text as literature and mythology. For more detail, see the introductory post https://bit.ly/2ApLDy0 For the online Qur’an that I use, see here http://al-quran.info and http://quran.com Ya Sin (Ya Sin) 1-20 “Indeed We have put iron collars around their necks, which are up to the chins, so their heads are upturned” “ Ya Sin ” is another name for the Prophet, as with “ Ta Ha ” before; I had a look to see if there was any particular meaning to these names, as if they meant something else (as with the various Biblical names meaning “God is With Us” or similar), or if they represented some hidden meaning, but came up blank. One exegesis states that “ God knows best what is meant ”, which seems like a bit of a cop-out to me...

The Originator (Fāṭir) 1-45 Not Lost in Translation. Plus, Colour Proves God. Welcome to the next instalment of An Atheist Explores Sacred Texts (Qur’an version). In this series I work my way chapter-by-chapter through the Qur’an, commenting on it from the point of view of the text as literature and mythology. For more detail, see the introductory post https://bit.ly/2ApLDy0 For the online Qur’an that I use, see here http://al-quran.info and http://quran.com The Originator (Fāṭir) 1-20   “All praise belongs to Allah, originator of the heavens and the earth, maker of the angels [His] messengers, possessing wings, two, three or four [of them]. He adds to the creation whatever He wishes. Indeed Allah has power over all things.” First of all – three-winged angels? Sephiroth? Anyway, the beginning of this chapter is familiar territory about how great God is and how He creates night and day and runs all the machinery of the world whilst any other things worshipped as god...

Sheba (Saba’) 1-54 The People of Sheba Don’t Like Allah’s Conurbation Planning. Welcome to the next instalment of An Atheist Explores Sacred Texts (Qur’an version). In this series I work my way chapter-by-chapter through the Qur’an, commenting on it from the point of view of the text as literature and mythology. For more detail, see the introductory post https://bit.ly/2ApLDy0 For the online Qur’an that I use, see here http://al-quran.info and http://quran.com Sheba (Saba’) 1-20 “There was certainly a sign for Sheba in their habitation: two gardens, to the right and to the left. ‘Eat of the provision of your Lord and give Him thanks: a good land and an all-forgiving Lord!’ “ We being with the usual – God is great and the Qur’an is true, etc., and then as part of the examples given are a brief look at David and Solomon. “ Certainly We gave David a grace from Us: ‘O mountains and birds, chime in with him!’ And We made iron soft for him ”. Making iron soft doesn’t seem...

The Confederates (Al-Ahzab) 1-73 The Yathribi and their (((Sponsors))). Plus: Allah’s Special Marriage Rules for The Prophet. Welcome to the next instalment of An Atheist Explores Sacred Texts (Qur’an version). In this series I work my way chapter-by-chapter through the Qur’an, commenting on it from the point of view of the text as literature and mythology. For more detail, see the introductory post https://bit.ly/2ApLDy0 For the online Qur’an that I use, see here http://al-quran.info and http://quran.com The Confederates (Al-Ahzab) 1-20 “Allah has not put two hearts within any man, nor has He made your wives whom you repudiate by ẓihār your mothers, nor has he made your adopted sons your sons. These are mere utterances of your mouths. But Allah speaks the truth and He guides to the way.” I’m not sure what “ ẓihār” is even with the footnotes. But no matter because apparently we’ll get a more detailed explanation in a later chapter (an earlier chronological one?). And...

Prostration (Al-Sajdah) 1-30 A Digression on “Generative Fluids”. Welcome to the next instalment of An Atheist Explores Sacred Texts (Qur’an version). In this series I work my way chapter-by-chapter through the Qur’an, commenting on it from the point of view of the text as literature and mythology. For more detail, see the introductory post https://bit.ly/2ApLDy0 For the online Qur’an that I use, see here http://al-quran.info and http://quran.com Prostration (Al-Sajdah) 1-20 “The [gradual] sending down of the Book, there is no doubt in it, is from the Lord of all the worlds.” After stating that this is the “ gradual sending down ” of the Book, the Qur’an then goes onto rebuke anyone that might not believe it is actually the word of God, by saying how great God is and how you’d be stupid not to believe in Him. We get a bit of creation myth, and there’s an interesting take on the “ six days ” of creation, in that according to the footnotes the Arabic word translated h...

Luqmān (Luqmān) 1-34 Don’t be a Donkey, Breast-feeding Toddlers and Seas of Ink. Welcome to the next instalment of An Atheist Explores Sacred Texts (Qur’an version). In this series I work my way chapter-by-chapter through the Qur’an, commenting on it from the point of view of the text as literature and mythology. For more detail, see the introductory post https://bit.ly/2ApLDy0 For the online Qur’an that I use, see here http://al-quran.info and http://quran.com Luqmān (Luqmān) 1-20 “When Luqman said to his son, as he advised him: ‘O my son! Do not ascribe any partners to Allah. Polytheism is indeed a great injustice.’” After some opening verses about how the Qur’an is for those with the wisdom to read it, not for the ignorant or unbelievers, we get a character Luqmān, also known as Lukman The Wise, giving some advice to his son. Some of it is so vague as to be useless –“ bid what is right and forbid what is wrong ”, but also includes advice not to be a swaggering br...