Fiend Factory 5E. White Dwarf 24: The Bonacon

 Issue 24 The Bonacon

 

(Totally not a rip-off of the the film poster for One Million Years BC....)

(Totally not a rip-off of the cover of White Dwarf issue 24)

The Fiend Factory for White Dwarf Issue 24 is an April Fool “special”, although given that the magazine is still bi-monthly at this point, it means that May is still an April Fool special. To that end, all of the monsters on offer are reminiscent of Don Turnbull’s love of whimsy.

Andrew Key’s Llort is a troll infected with nilbog-ism, which makes it mechanically backwards. Once injured, the llort begins to “degenerate” whereon it loses hit points automatically each round, gaining them if it is hit with weapons. Fire and acid stop the degeneration. I presume that the llort in the illustration is trying to taunt adventurers to attack it so that it can heal.

 

Also, the llort were background aliens in Babylon 5 .

 

The Todal, by Marcus Barbor, is just pure, delightful silliness. That its bonkers description can be turned into game statistics, more or less, is a fine feat, and kudos this time to Alan Hunter (who I’ve frequently maligned in this series) for turning the description of the Todal as “made of lip” into something vaguely feasible.

The idea behind the todal is that it is sent to punish back-sliding evil-doers, but really its just an excuse for a load of non-sequitors and off-the-wall descriptions. We’re told that it “moves around like monkeys and shadows” and kills by

“gleeping” which we are told is “worse than badgers”. Gleeping causes the permanent loss of 1-4 Constitution points.

The todal appears following a series of improbable events (like a run of natural 20s), exerts an aura of cold and fear, and must be persuaded by chaotic characters that they have been suitably chaotic, else it hits them with a geas. Kind of a blunt DM tool, really.

 

The Tali Monster, I’m sure, is actually Craig Edwards making fun of somebody that he knows, given its description of a creature extremely fat, greasy, and covered in acne, not to mention it’s debilitating breath weapon that smells of “garlic, whiskey and tobacco”. I’m pretty convinced that it started life as a cruel schoolboy joke. I know, because I would have done the same kind of thing aged 12.

The main novel feature of the Tali Monster is that it is so huge and fat that it has to be carried everywhere, and has a team of goblins that move it around. I like the idea of some kind of hideous “god” figure with a team of devout goblin (or any other humanoid) worshippers – there’s something more like Gloranthan creatures there.

 

The Dungeon Master, by Malory Nye, feels like a throwback to an earlier gaming style which even now is going out of fashion, where the Dungeon Master will summon wandering monsters “if the characters so much as blow their nose”, and where “the reading of the rules” acts as a sleep spell.

Sadly, this is not the Yoda-like Dungeon Master from the D&D cartoon, which won’t appear yet for several more years. I would have thought that the modern-day stereotypical Dungeonmaster would be less like the lanky accountant of the illustration and more like the Simpsons’

Comic Store Guy (or perhaps Matt Mercer). I do, however, like the now-dated joke that the Dungeon Master’s armour is based on Chainmail (the rules from whence emerged D&D) and a Judge’s Shield (old school DM’s screen, made by Judge’s Guild).

 

 

Although the Tali Monster could be a fun concept, in the end I decided to go with David Taylor’s Bonacon, partly because it’s a creature from mediaeval bestiaries, and partly because it has the most flexible utility (although I think it’s still really a one-off encounter because the joke is spent after that).

 

For the bonacon stats I started with an elk (the nearest thing I could find to cattle in the MM), reduced the ram/gore attack and gave it a “breath” weapon.

The hardest part was deciding on the effects of the deadly fart. The Fiend Factory stats are the old –school save-or-die poison plus a nauseated effect, but “real” bestiary accounts describe it as both caustic and flammable. In the end I went with acid damage as the main effect, with the secondary effects of setting fire to things, leaving anyone caught by it poisoned, and also leaving difficult terrain behind. I used the adult dragon stats for dimensions and damage, making it still a very potent form of attack, way above its tiny Hit Dice value.

 

Bonacon

Large monstrosity, unaligned

Armour Class 11 (natural armour) Hit Points 13 (2d10 + 2) Speed 50 ft.

STR DEX CON INT WIS CHA 16 (+3) 10 (+0) 12 (+1) 2 (-4) 10 (+0) 6 (-2)

Proficiency Bonus +3 Senses passive Perception 10

Languages –

Challenge 5 (1,800 XP)

ACTIONS

Gore. Melee Weapon Attack: +6 to hit, reach 5 ft., one creature. Hit: 5 (1d4 + 3) bludgeoning damage. Explosive Flatulence (Recharge 5-6). The bonacon expels a 60-foot cone of toxic gas from its rear end. All creatures within the area must make a DC 12 Constitution saving throw, taking 56 (16d6) acid damage on a failed save, and half as much on a successful one. All creatures that fail the saving throw are also poisoned and catch on fire. Any creature on fire takes an additional 3 (1d6) fire damage at the end of its turn unless it, or an adjacent ally, spends an action extinguishing the flames. Any unattended items will also catch fire. A poisoned creature can repeat the saving throw at the end of its turn, ending the effect on itself with a success. The ground beneath the area of effect becomes difficult terrain for 24 hours.

 

Pegaso-bonacons also gain the following additional abilities:

Speed fly 60 ft.

Jet. If it has the use of its Explosive Flatulence action, and it is flying, the bonacon can propel itself in a straight line for 180 feet. This counts as a use of its Explosive Flatulence and cannot be used again until that action has recharged.