An Atheist Explores the Apocrypha Part 37: Hat-Wearing Priests with Frisbees (2 Maccabees 1-5)

 2 Maccabees  1-5

Hat-Wearing Priests with Frisbees.

 Welcome to the next instalment of An Atheist Explores Sacred Texts (Apocrypha version).

In this series I work my way chapter-by-chapter through the Old Testament Apocrypha, commenting on it from the point of view of the text as literature and mythology.

 For more detail, see the introductory post http://bit.ly/3aEJ6Q5

For the online KJV I use, see here http://bit.ly/2m0zVUP

 2 Maccabees 1

What time as Demetrius reigned, in the hundred threescore and ninth year, we the Jews wrote unto you in the extremity of trouble that came upon us in those years, from the time that Jason and his company revolted from the holy land and kingdom”.

 Okay, I’m officially lost already. This chapter is a letter from the Jews of Jerusalem to the Jews of Egypt, laced with blessings and prayers, but also giving some historical detail that I’m currently having trouble lining up with 1 Maccabees.

 In the 169th year when Demetrius reigned, the Judeans wrote to the Egyptian Jews for help when “Jason” revolted. And then in the 188th year they write again to someone called Aristobolus, who is “King Ptolemee’s master”. I’m guessing this means like a chief minister or something, not the master of the king (which would be a bit odd). They write to thank him, but I’m not entirely sure why – “we thank him highly, as having been in battle against a king”.

 What is described next is a time when Antiochus (it’s not clear to me which of the many Antiochii this is) comes to the temple of Nanea, possibly a goddess that he going to ritually(?) marry – “For Antiochus, as though he would marry her, came into the place, and his friends that were with him, to receive money in name of a dowry”. Or maybe that’s just a metaphor for him collecting taxes. Not sure.

 Anyway, Antiochus is locked into the temple of Nanea, and ambushed - “And opening a privy door of the roof, they threw stones like thunderbolts, and struck down the captain, hewed them in pieces, smote off their heads and cast them to those that were without.” This kind of assassination is apparently a good thing, because the author of the letter then announces “Blessed be our God in all things, who hath delivered up the ungodly.” We’re dealing with the vengeful God here then.

 What comes next is a discussion on keeping a holy day, in this case the 25th day of Chislev (here spelled “Chislau”, and an exhortation to the Egyptian Jews to do the same. The letter relates the story of how when the Jews are taken into the Babylonian Exile, a sacred flame is hidden – “For when our fathers were led into Persia, the priests that were then devout took the fire of the altar privily, and hid it in an hollow place of a pit without water, where they kept it sure, so that the place was unknown to all men.

 Quite why anyone though it to still be burning when the Jews return is unknown, but a priest called Neemia digs it up and finds “thick water”. They use this to burn a sacrifice on the altar and, lo and behold, it miraculously burns. Or, perhaps, the “thick water” is some kind of flammable tar? There’s shades here of, was it Elisha? The prophet who has a prayer-off with the priests of Ba’al to see who could cause some wood to light, and the prophet even douses his wood with *ahem* water just to really show off.

 There then follows some further praise of how great God is, wishing a good smiting on enemies, etc. etc.. You know the drill by now. The Temple is rebuilt and reconsecrated, and, wait, “Neemia” is “Nehemiah” isn’t he? That makes sense. Was there anything about miracle burning water in the old Nehemiah? I’ll have to go back and check.

 But my guess about the “thick water” seems to be correct – “And Neemias called this thing Naphthar, which is as much as to say, a cleansing: but many men call it Nephi.

Naphthar? Naphtha? I.e. flammable tar? Interesting.

 I can also see there being something metaphorical, and possibly Messianic, about a “hidden light” of Isreal, but the reading here really does dwell on the oil as a specific thing.

 2 Maccabees 2

Here then will we begin the story: only adding thus much to that which hath been said, that it is a foolish thing to make a long prologue, and to be short in the story itself.

 Any confusion concerning the first chapter is laid to rest here; this is a prologue to an abridgement of the story of Judas Maccabeus, from a five volume version by Jason of Cyrene, tantalisingly mentioned but sadly presumably lost. The author of this abridgement gives us some interesting little editorial insertions about the difficulties of abridging and yet keeping the flavour of the original text – “Even as it is no ease unto him that prepareth a banquet, and seeketh the benefit of others: yet for the pleasuring of many we will undertake gladly this great pains”. I rather like it, there’s a nice human element to it.

 

Before that, we also get mention of how Jeremiah (“Jeremy”) hid the Tabernacle and the Ark in a cave on the mountain, to be recovered when God wills that the Jews be restored; also how Nehemiah finds some scrolls (but, I guess, not the Ark) when his Second Temple is re-dedicated. I guess these examples are brought up to parallel with the author’s own work; preservation of the history and culture of the Jewish people, and how even if it goes underground for a while will always resurface. This last also, I suppose, mirrors how Judas Maccabeus defeats Antiochus Epiphanes and reconsecrates the Temple again – the religion of the Jews always finds a way to bounce back.

(NB As we all know, the Ark of the Covenant ended up in the Well of Souls in Tanis, before eventually being taken to a warehouse in New York….)

2 Maccabees 3

And Heliodorus fell suddenly unto the ground, and was compassed with great darkness: but they that were with him took him up, and put him into a litter.

We are now in the time of the Hihg Priest Onias, where the Temple is prosperous, subsidised by the Seleucid king to pay for the sacrifices, and Jerusalem and Judea are at peace.

But not entirely, since someone called Simon, from the Tribe of Benjamin, has some un-named falling out with Onias and consequently decides to pass on to “the king” (we can but assume the Seleucus mentioned in Verse 3) the notion that the Temple has bottomless treasures. Naturally the king decides to take it all for himself, and sends his tax collector Heliodorus to check it out.

When Heliodorus gets to Jerusalem, Onias is surprised, and points out the Temple, far from having “infinite sums of money”, in fact only has “four hundred talents of silver and two of gold” which is a hedge fund for supporting widows and orphans. Never mind, says Heliodorus, I’m going to take it anyway.

What follows is some good old weeping and wailing in supplication to God, the priests prostrating themselves before the altar and “the women, girt with sackcloth under their breasts, abounded in the streets, and the virgins that were kept in ran, some to the gates, and some to the walls, and others looked out of the windows.”  They call upon God to protect the treasures but “Nevertheless Heliodorus executed that which was decreed”.

And so it seems for all of a verse that God has done nothing, but then as soon as Heliodorus lays hold of the treasure, before you can say “Raiders of the Lost Ark”, he has a vision of a rider of a golden horse that tramples him down, and two men that whip him with scourges (or is that scourge him with whips?). The writing suggests that only Heliodorus sees this, and he falls down unconscious. Quite how the writer knows what he saw, I don’t know. An interview with Heliodorus afterwards?

 Onias, because he’s a good man, prays for Heliodorus’ recovery (well, he’s good, and it’s also politic because he’s worried what will happen to the Jews if the King’s tax collector is returned to him in a coma). The two angelic figures who previously whipped Heliodorus visit him again, restore him and tell him “And seeing that thou hast been scourged from heaven, declare unto all men the mighty power of God. And when they had spoken these words, they appeared no more.

 Heliodorus makes a sacrifice at the Temple, “Then testified he to all men the works of the great God, which he had seen with his eyes.” So that’s how the author knows what was in the vision. There’s a really amusing ending to the chapter though. When Heliodorus returns to Seleucus, the King doesn’t punish him for returning empty handed, but instead asks who he should send instead.

 Send somebody you don’t like, says Heliodorus.

 2 Maccabees 4

This Simon now, of whom we spake afore, having been a betrayer of the money, and of his country, slandered Onias, as if he had terrified Heliodorus, and been the worker of these evils.

 There’s a lot going on in this chapter, with various comings and goings of kings and ambassadors, but of all the various changes in government, the most important is that Antiochus Epiphanes becomes king after Seleucus dies, so here we’re seeing the ongoing Seleucid dynasty and the ascension of the notorious Epiphanes.

 The main thrust of the narrative, however, concerns the debasement of the High Priesthood. This Simon tries to blame Onias for Heliodorus’ little fit last episode, and riles up enough people that factional fighting happens and some of Simon’s people kill a follower of Onias.

 However, Onias’ brother Jason bribes his way into the High Priesthood and pledges to build a gymnasium – “Beside this, he promised to assign an hundred and fifty more, if he might have licence to set him up a place for exercise, and for the training up of youth in the fashions of the heathen, and to write them of Jerusalem by the name of Antiochians”. This he does, and also “brought the chief young men under his subjection, and made them wear a hat”.

 What, one wonders, is the issue with wearing a hat? According to the next verse it was “the height of Greek fashions”, so I guess it’s simply emblematic of an increasing Hellenisation of the Jews of Jerusalem. Even the priests get distracted from attending the Temple and go out to play Frisbee instead – “That the priests had no courage to serve any more at the altar, but despising the temple, and neglecting the sacrifices, hastened to be partakers of the unlawful allowance in the place of exercise, after the game of Discus called them forth”.

 All this, of course, stirs up the faithful Jews, but meanwhile, Jason gets outbid for the priesthood by Menelaus, brother of Simon. And so, having got the priesthood by bribery, he now loses it. Menelaus is arguably worse, “having the fury of a cruel tyrant, and the rage of a savage beast”. Menelaus embezzles the Temple treasury, treacherously murders Onias, his brother Lysimachus brutally quells a revolt, and to top it all manages to bribe his way out of justice.

 Interesting that so far in this version of the story, it’s Menelaus (and the preceding High Priests) who are arguably more wicked than Antiochus Epiphanes, who so far has wept for the death of Onias and publicly executed the person who carried out the killing.

2 Maccabees 5

And then it happened, that through all the city, for the space almost of forty days, there were seen horsemen running in the air, in cloth of gold, and armed with lances, like a band of soldiers

 Antiochus Epiphanes goes to Egypt, and while he does, the people of “the city” (I assume Jerusalem) see a vision of armies running through the sky, and hope that it’s a good omen.

 It doesn’t seem to be, because first Jason uses the opportunity to drive Menelaus from the city, but in doing so he also kills large number of the Jews, when he’s supposed to be liberating them. Menelaus holds up in “the tower” (and I suppose this refers to an acropolis of some kind), and Jason eventually runs away and is driven from place to place, hated as an betrayer, before ending up in Sparta “And he that had cast out many unburied had none to mourn for him, nor any solemn funerals at all, nor sepulchre with his fathers.

 But the miseries of Jerusalem don’t end there. Antiochus in Egypt hears of this and thinks that the Jews are in revolt, so he then returns to Jerusalem and kills and enslaves even more people – the chapter claims 80,000 in total. He also plunders the temple, guided by Menelaus, “And taking the holy vessels with polluted hands, and with profane hands pulling down the things that were dedicated by other kings to the augmentation and glory and honour of the place, he gave them away.” This, I would guess, is the “desolation of abomination” mentioned before.

 Menelaus is left in charge of Jerusalem again, but Antiochus also sends his general Appolonius with 2,200 men to kill the men of military age and enslave the women and children (I’m surprised anyone is left after the actions of Jason and Antiochus). And then finally, in the last verse, Judas Maccabeus makes his appearance – “But Judas Maccabeus with nine others, or thereabout, withdrew himself into the wilderness, and lived in the mountains after the manner of beasts, with his company, who fed on herbs continually, lest they should be partakers of the pollution.

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