Dr Simon Reads...

  Susanna   1 Two Lecherous Creeps Get What They Deserve.   Welcome to the next instalment of An Atheist Explores Sacred Texts (Apocrypha version). In this series I work my way chapter-by-chapter through the Old Testament Apocrypha, commenting on it from the point of view of the text as literature and mythology.   For more detail, see the introductory post http://bit.ly/3aEJ6Q5 For the online KJV I use, see here http://bit.ly/2m0zVUP   Susanna   1 “ Now when the people departed away at noon, Susanna went into her husband's garden to walk”   Let’s get one thing out of the way first; this book doesn’t feature anybody coming from Alabama with a banjo on their knee. So with that disappointment passed, on to the story.   It’s a biblical #metoo story. Susanna is the pious Jewish wife of a man called Joacim who lives in Babylon. Whether or not Joacim is a Hebrew or not is unclear, but he’s a wealthy man with a nice garden and lots of pe...

  Prayer of Azariah  1 An Angel Like A Wet Fart.   Welcome to the next instalment of An Atheist Explores Sacred Texts (Apocrypha version). In this series I work my way chapter-by-chapter through the Old Testament Apocrypha, commenting on it from the point of view of the text as literature and mythology.   For more detail, see the introductory post http://bit.ly/3aEJ6Q5 For the online KJV I use, see here http://bit.ly/2m0zVUP   Prayer of Azariah   1 “ Then Azarias stood up, and prayed on this manner; and opening his mouth in the midst of the fire said, Blessed art thou, O Lord God of our fathers: thy name is worthy to be praised and glorified for evermore”   The name Azariah tickled a memory in me – he was one of the three companions of Daniel who got thrown into a fiery furnace by Nabuchadnezzar for not recanting their beliefs, and get miraculously saved. Given that the first couple of verses talk of “ the fire ”, clearly this is that inc...

  Letter of Jeremiah 1 Dear Babylonians, Your Gods Are Rubbish. Love Jeremiah xx.   Welcome to the next instalment of An Atheist Explores Sacred Texts (Apocrypha version). In this series I work my way chapter-by-chapter through the Old Testament Apocrypha, commenting on it from the point of view of the text as literature and mythology.   For more detail, see the introductory post http://bit.ly/3aEJ6Q5 For the online KJV I use, see here http://bit.ly/2m0zVUP   Letter of Jeremiah 1 “A copy of an epistle, which Jeremy sent unto them which were to be led captives into Babylon by the king of the Babylonians, to certify them, as it was commanded him of God.” This is mostly a lengthy diatribe against the idols of the Babylonians, after first stating that the Israelites have ended up in captivity because of their sins against God and that they will stay so for “ seven generations ”. As I recall, it was seventy years. Is a generation ten years? My unde...

Baruch 1-5 Life Under The Babylonians. Plus: Jerusalem The Widow. Welcome to the next instalment of An Atheist Explores Sacred Texts (Apocrypha version). In this series I work my way chapter-by-chapter through the Old Testament Apocrypha, commenting on it from the point of view of the text as literature and mythology. For more detail, see the introductory post http://bit.ly/3aEJ6Q5 For the online KJV I use, see here http://bit.ly/2m0zVUP Baruch 1 “ And these are the words of the book, which Baruch the son of Nerias, the son of Maasias, the son of Sedecias, the son of Asadias, the son of Chelcias, wrote in Babylon” In the fifth year after the Chaldeans burned the Temple, Baruch reads this book to “ Jechonias ” (aka Jekoniah) and “ in the hearing of the nobles, and of the king's sons, and in the hearing of the elders, and of all the people, from the lowest unto the highest, even of all them that dwelt at Babylon by the river Sud ”. Now, I’ve got a feeling the ...

Ecclesiasticus 46-51 A Catalogue of Kings And Prophets. Plus Simon is THE BEST. Welcome to the next instalment of An Atheist Explores Sacred Texts (Apocrypha version). In this series I work my way chapter-by-chapter through the Old Testament Apocrypha, commenting on it from the point of view of the text as literature and mythology. For more detail, see the introductory post http://bit.ly/3aEJ6Q5 For the online KJV I use, see here http://bit.ly/2m0zVUP Ecclesiasticus 46 “ Jesus the son a Nave was valiant in the wars, and was the successor of Moses in prophecies, who according to his name was made great for the saving of the elect of God, and taking vengeance of the enemies that rose up against them, that he might set Israel in their inheritance” Ben Sirach continues to discuss important figures and prophets in Israelite history, continuing here with Joshua (here given in the Greek form of Jesus just to confuse people). Joshua’s deed in war are mentioned, includin...