An Atheist Explores the Bible Part Three: In which languages are created and Abram messes around in the Middle East (Genesis 11-15)

Genesis 11-15

In which languages are created and Abram messes around in the Middle East.

Genesis 11

“Therefore is the name of it called Babel; because the LORD did there confound the language of all the earth: and from thence did the LORD scatter them abroad upon the face of all the earth”

Yes, it’s the Tower of Babel, which gets surprisingly short-shrift in this chapter. Further lineages take up the bulk of the verses, which link Noah (via Shem), to Abram, later to become Abraham. Of course, since Noah and his family were the only people left after the flood, everyone would be able to trace their lineage back to Noah, but I guess the fact that this is entirely patrilinear is significant in a society where such things matter, and also it provides “evidence” of pedigree. Again, you know, maybe think about appendices?

Anyway, the Tower of Babel, which I think we can all agree is probably based upon the brick-built ziggurats of Babylon, right? Really this is just an origin myth for different languages, but it’s another one of these arbitrary divine acts. The tower is destroyed and people end up talking different languages because they are, basically, being too smart for their own good. But there’s no warning, unlike the Garden of Eden. No “Guys, seriously, don’t build that too high or there’ll be trouble” (and they build anyway). No, God looks at the tower and decides that “nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do”. Which is kind of a cool image, really, almost as if the ingenuity of humankind scares even their creator. If He thinks a brick tower is scary, what must He make of nuclear weapons? And actually, I’m wrong above, as there’s nothing here about the tower being destroyed. Once again, received wisdom is wrong. It’s the confounding of language that makes the people give up. And now I’m imagining that God created management speak.

“Our mission statement, going forwards, is to architect a client-facing, value-added, cross-platform tower-based business systems solution.”

Aaand there I’ll leave it. Oh, except one thing. The online version I’m using for this says that “slime had they for mortar” I’m hoping this is a transcription error and it should read “lime”.

Genesis 12

“Now the LORD had said unto Abram, Get thee out of thy country, and from thy kindred, and from thy father's house, unto a land that I will shew thee”

Here follows an odd little episode as Abram is sent by God to found a new land. The phrase “Promised Land” isn’t mentioned explicitly, but that seems to be the intent. So off Abram goes with his family and, well, here things are phrased a little oddly, but it seems that it’s the land of the Canaanites which is promised to him, despite the Canaanites already living there. So this makes a bit more sense of Noah’s actions because, obviously, if Canaan has been cursed by Noah (because his uncles did something that wasn’t even bad in the first place), then OBVIOUSLY it’s going to be okay for Abram to nick their land, because It’s Written.

However, before that can happen there’s a bizarre little detour into Egypt, because of a famine somewhere. I would guess the land of the Canaanites but the writing could equally imply Egypt. If it’s Canaan then it’s not a very promising Promised Land.

The really weird event is that Abram says to his wife Sarai, because you are attractive the Pharoah is likely to try to seduce you, so pretend to be my sister. Sure enough, Pharoah is attracted to Sarai and tries to – well, the text is a little coy, but I suspect it’s merely woo – her. And gets plagued by God for doing so because she’s really another man’s wife. Pharoah finds out and says to Abram “WTF, man? What’s with all the ‘sister’ crap? Piss off.”

Odd. Very odd. I think the story would have gone better if Pharoah had known Sarai was Abram’s wife and then relented after God smote him for it – that would gibe better with the characterisation but as it reads here Abram, supposedly chosen of God to found a new peoples, comes off as a bit of a dick and Pharoah an innocent dupe in a bad practical joke.

Genesis 13

“Abram dwelled in the land of Canaan, and Lot dwelled in the cities of the plain, and pitched his tent toward Sodom.”

Something of a transitionary chapter, this one. So Abram and family leave Egypt and head back to Canaan, where they stay this time. But in time they become so prosperous that Abram and his son Lot agree that Lot should settle new lands, where he moves to Jordan near the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah (and here we get a little bit of foreshadowing that these places are bad news), whilst Abram ultimately moves to Mamre in Hebron.

And that’s it, really. I daresay this sets up arguments over land ownership that are ongoing today (Sykes-Picot Agreement notwithstanding), to which I can only say, “Oh dear.”

Genesis 14

“And it came to pass in the days of Amraphel king of Shinar, Arioch king of Ellasar, Chedorlaomer king of Elam, and Tidal king of nations”

Ah, we’re back in Reverend Lovejoy territory. More ancient middle-eastern geopolitics with various kings making war on other nations. The gist, as far as I can glean, is that there is a confederacy under King Chederlaomar of Elam which comes and invades Sodom, Gomorrah and some other kingdoms and in the process carry of Lot and his family. Because of this, Abram wades in on the side of King Bera of Sodom and helps win back all the stolen goods and kidnapped people. Bera is grateful but Abram refuses any reward from him. I think I’ve got that straight.

Beyond that, not a lot to say for this chapter. More evocative ancient biblical names of people and places (Hazezontemar!) which I’m sure can be used to place this somewhere in real events.

Genesis 15

“And he said unto Abram, Know of a surety that thy seed shall be a stranger in a land that is not theirs, and shall serve them; and they shall afflict them four hundred years;”

Another little interlude, with a Prophecy(tm)! Abram currently has no heir (although he says that there is one who dwells in his house who is his heir – does this mean Lot, I wonder?), but God tells him to make a wonderfully elaborate sacrifice (of “an heifer of three years old, and a she goat of three years old, and a ram of three years old, and a turtledove, and a young pigeon”), and then offers a prophecy, some of which is given above. It’s a bit like the one given to Banquo about “thou shalt not be king but you shall give rise to a line of kings) kind of thing. But the gist is that Abram’s people will go through a period of exile before they can finally take the land which is theirs, but that it will happen eventually, and that his descendants, who will number more than the stars, will have the land between Egypt and the Euphrates.

Not a lot to go on in this chapter, but I have to say some nice imagery by the KJV writers here. Otherwise it’s really just setting up more claims to a land because It Is Written. It also makes one wonder why God, who can create the entirety out of existence out of nothing, needs to be so baroque in His schemes to grant a plot of land to a small group of people. Was there really nowhere else than the land of the Canaanites up for grabs? Like possibly the entirety of the Central Asian steppes? Why did God let the Canaanites be squatters in Abram's property in the first place?