Dr Simon Reads...

Genesis 46-50 The End of Jacob's Story Welcome to another instalment of An Atheist Explores Sacred Texts (Bible version). In this series I work my way chapter-by-chapter through the King James Bible, commenting on it from the point of view of the text as literature and mythology.  For more detail, see the introductory post http://bit.ly/2F8f9JT For the online KJV I use, see here http://bit.ly/2m0zVUP And now: Genesis 46 “ And they took their cattle, and their goods, which they had gotten in the land of Canaan, and came into Egypt, Jacob, and all his seed with him” This chapter mainly lists all the various offspring of Jacob, and their offspring (I personally love “Huppim, Muppim and Ard”, sons of Benjamin, because they sound like a cartoon trio. That’s really about it, except that at the end Jospeh warns his family to say that their trade “hath been in cattle” when Pharaoh asks them, because apparently the Egyptians don’t like shepherds. Which is only part of...

Genesis 41-46  Joseph and the Technicolour Dreamcoat: Act II Welcome to another instalment of An Atheist Explores Sacred Texts (Bible version). In this series I work my way chapter-by-chapter through the King James Bible, commenting on it from the point of view of the text as literature and mythology.  For more detail, see the introductory post http://bit.ly/2F8f9JT For the online KJV I use, see here http://bit.ly/2m0zVUP And now: Genesis 41 “And Pharaoh said unto Joseph, I have dreamed a dream, and there is none that can interpret it: and I have heard say of thee, that thou canst understand a dream to interpret it.” The story of Joseph continues with the Pharaohs dream, of seven   fat kine and seven lean kine. And thank you KJV for the word “kine” as a plural of cow – used nowhere else today I’m sure. The sleazy butler suddenly remembers Joseph and tells Pharaoh. Now, he refers to Joseph as “an Hebrew” and I thought this was the first instance o...

Genesis 36-40 Being the first act of Joseph and his Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat, and other references, plus spilling of seed (not mine). Welcome to another instalment of An Atheist Explores Sacred Texts (Bible version). In this series I work my way chapter-by-chapter through the King James Bible, commenting on it from the point of view of the text as literature and mythology.  For more detail, see the introductory post http://bit.ly/2F8f9JT For the online KJV I use, see here http://bit.ly/2m0zVUP And now: Genesis 36 “ Now these are the generations of Esau, who is Edom.” Some more of Reverend Lovejoy’s favourite parts of the bible in this chapter, as the lineage of Esau is laid out in remorseless detail. Now, I’m not averse to these sections as you can gloss over them if the names become overwhelming, but compared to, for example, Genesis 5, this one lacks much rhythm and scansion, and comes across as more clunky. I mean, Verse 42 is just “ Duke Aholiba...

Genesis 31-35 Divine masked wrestlers, idol theft and revenge through circumcision. More tales from the life of the family of Jacob. Welcome to another instalment of An Atheist Explores Sacred Texts (Bible version). In this series I work my way chapter-by-chapter through the King James Bible, commenting on it from the point of view of the text as literature and mythology. For more detail, see the introductory post http://bit.ly/2F8f9JT For the online KJV I use, see here http://bit.ly/2m0zVUP And now: Genesis 35 “And Laban said to Jacob, What hast thou done, that thou hast stolen away unawares to me, and carried away my daughters, as captives taken with the sword?” I’m not sure that the compilers intended this chapter to be a bit of a knock-about farce, but in places it is. It begins with Jacob deciding to take his wives and all the livestock that he has been paid, and head back to the land of his father Isaac because the sons of Laban are beginnin...

Genesis 26-30 In which the family of Abraham devise various schemes and cons. Welcome to another instalment of An Atheist Explores Sacred Texts (Bible version). In this series I work my way chapter-by-chapter through the King James Bible, commenting on it from the point of view of the text as literature and mythology. For more detail, see the introductory post http://bit.ly/2F8f9JT For the online KJV I use, see here http://bit.ly/2m0zVUP And now: Genesis 26 “ For all the wells which his father's servants had digged in the days of Abraham his father, the Philistines had stopped them, and filled them with earth. ” Oh no. This chapter starts with Isaac and Rebekah continuing the antics of Abraham and Sarah, by visiting King Abimelech and pretending that Rebekah is Isaac’s sister, not his wife. This time, however, Abimelech spots them smooching in the gardens and then asks them why they did this, as someone could have got into trouble for attemptin...

Genesis 21-25 Abraham's Guide to (Terrible) Parenting Welcome to another instalment of An Atheist Explores Sacred Texts (Bible version). In this series I work my way chapter-by-chapter through the King James Bible, commenting on it from the point of view of the text as literature and mythology. For more detail, see the introductory post http://bit.ly/2F8f9JT For the online KJV I use, see here http://bit.ly/2m0zVUP And now: Genesis 21 “Wherefore she said unto Abraham, Cast out this bondwoman and her son: for the son of this bondwoman shall not be heir with my son, even with Isaac.” This chapter covers three events in the life of Abraham. First, Sarah gives birth to Isaac despite being in her nineties at this point. And, of course, now she becomes jealous of Hagar and Abraham’s other son, Ishmael, and persuades Abraham to cast them out. God tells him that it will work out fine, and so Hagar and Ishmael are sent off   They are given some rations, thes...

Genesis 16-20 Surrogate mothers, genital mutilation and a Gay Zombie Apocalypse! Welcome to another instalment of An Atheist Explores Sacred Texts (Bible version). In this series I work my way chapter-by-chapter through the King James Bible, commenting on it from the point of view of the text as literature and mythology. For more detail, see the introductory post http://bit.ly/2F8f9JT For the online KJV I use, see here http://bit.ly/2m0zVUP And now: Genesis 16 “ Now Sarai Abram's wife bare him no children: and she had an handmaid, an Egyptian, whose name was Hagar” Hmm, a somewhat creepy little story about surrogacy. Sarai is barren and so she gives her handmaid to Abram, who makes her pregnant (or, as the text says, “went in unto Hagar”). There’s a bit of pronoun ambiguity next, where the text reads “and when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress was despised in her eye.”. “She” would seem to refer to Hagar from the context, but does “despised in her eye...

Genesis 11-15 In which languages are created and Abram messes around in the Middle East. Genesis 11 “ Therefore is the name of it called Babel; because the LORD did there confound the language of all the earth: and from thence did the LORD scatter them abroad upon the face of all the earth” Yes, it’s the Tower of Babel, which gets surprisingly short-shrift in this chapter. Further lineages take up the bulk of the verses, which link Noah (via Shem), to Abram, later to become Abraham. Of course, since Noah and his family were the only people left after the flood, everyone would be able to trace their lineage back to Noah, but I guess the fact that this is entirely patrilinear is significant in a society where such things matter, and also it provides “evidence” of pedigree. Again, you know, maybe think about appendices? Anyway, the Tower of Babel, which I think we can all agree is probably based upon the brick-built ziggurats of Babylon, right? Really this is just an origin ...