An Atheist Explores the Bible Part 245: Fear and Loathing on the Apocalypse Trail (Revelation 11-15)

Revelation 11-15
Fear and Loathing on the Apocalypse Trail.

Welcome to another instalment of An Atheist Explores Sacred Texts (Bible version).

In this series I work my way chapter-by-chapter through the King James Bible, commenting on it from the point of view of the text as literature and mythology.

For more detail, see the introductory post http://bit.ly/2F8f9JT

For the online KJV I use, see here http://bit.ly/2m0zVUP

And now:

Revelation 11

“These have power to shut heaven, that it rain not in the days of their prophecy: and have power over waters to turn them to blood, and to smite the earth with all plagues, as often as they will.”

Last time, God unleashed a plague of metal locusts with gorgeous hair, and twenty million manticore-riders who had been hiding in the Euphrates River. Now things get weird. We were somewhere around Jerusalem on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold.

John is given a measuring stick and told to measure the temple, but not the outer bit which is given to the Gentiles. I’m not sure if this is exclusionary, or inclusionary, nothing really follows from this. Two un-named prophets appear and are put in charge of things, able to cause drought and spread disease as they wish, and breathe fire from their mouths (possibly metaphorical for speaking terrible truths, but at this point it doesn’t really matter. They may as well actually be able to breathe fire). After these two have been “testifying” for 1,260 days, the beast of the pit is due to kill them, whereupon everyone rejoices (for which I’m not surprised as this sounds like horrible reign of terror) –“And they that dwell upon the earth shall rejoice over them, and make merry, and shall send gifts one to another; because these two prophets tormented them that dwelt on the earth.”

But after three and a half days, God will raise them up to heaven and kill 7,000 people with an earthquake. Nice. This, apparently, is the “second woe”, and then the seventh angel “sounded”. So is this the seventh trumpet? Because we’ve sneaked in a few extra events here after the sixth trumpet.

The twenty four elders before the throne of God fall on their faces and give praise that God is going to deliver judgment, and everyone else is really annoyed –“And the nations were angry, and thy wrath is come, and the time of the dead, that they should be judged, and that thou shouldest give reward unto thy servants the prophets, and to the saints, and them that fear thy name, small and great; and shouldest destroy them which destroy the earth”. After that “the temple of God was opened in heaven” causing some terrible weather –“there were lightnings, and voices, and thunderings, and an earthquake, and great hail”. I wonder if that’s the origin of the saying “the heavens opened” for really bad rain?

Revelation 12

“And there appeared a great wonder in heaven; a woman clothed with the sun, and the moon under her feet, and upon her head a crown of twelve stars”

I ought to point out here that the Gustav Doré etchings are back, now that he’s got something suitably grotesque and eerie to illustrate. I don’t think the epistles were particularly inspiring for dramatic artwork.

John sees a vision of a pregnant woman, menaced by a dragon who is fought off by Michael and the angels. The dragon is “that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world”, the first description of Satan as a serpent. I don’t know, at this point, if John means that this is the same serpent in Eden (which it wasn’t back in Genesis), or if “serpent” is just a generic term – I recall Jesus using it as a pejorative from time to time.

Satan “and his angels” are cast out of heaven and down to earth. There’s a bit of a Manichean concept here, in that the earth, because it now has the dragon living on it, is cursed whereas heaven, having had the dragon cast out, is now pure –“Therefore rejoice, ye heavens, and ye that dwell in them. Woe to the inhabiters of the earth and of the sea! for the devil is come down unto you, having great wrath”. Great, thanks a bunch. Throw your evil beings in to our backyard why don’t you?

The dragon decides to persecute the woman (whom I guess is meant to be Mary, or The Church perhaps, or maybe a personification of Jerusalem), by sending floods out of its mouth which are swallowed up by the earth, and the woman is given a pair of eagle’s wings to fly away with. Something about dragons and floods reminds me of Babylonian myths and Tiamat, but I’d have to go back and double check on this.

Revelation 13

“Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six.”

Hasn’t that got to be one of the most over-used and most useless verses in the entire Bible? No-one under any kind of reckoning system has ever worked out how “the number of the beast” is 666. It’s almost as if, oh, I don’t know, John was just pulling ideas out of the air.

This beast in question rises out of the sea at the beginning and has seven heads, ten horns and seven crowns, the same as the dragon in the last chapter, but it isn’t the dragon; the dragon “gives power” to the beast. How does seven heads and ten horns work out? Is that ten horns per head, or seven heads with one horn each and three heads with two horns, or five heads with two horns or …?

This beast is like a leopard, with bear’s feet and a lion’s mouth (is there a great deal of difference between a lion’s mouth and a leopard’s mouth? They’re both members of the Pantherus genus, it can’t be too different). The beast speaks blasphemy and goes to war with the saints, with power “over all kindreds, and tongues, and nations”. But, says John, “He that leadeth into captivity shall go into captivity: he that killeth with the sword must be killed with the sword”.

No, wait. That’s not the 666 beast, that’s the next one, that comes “up out of the earth; and he had two horns like a lamb, and he spake as a dragon”. This beast causes mankind to worship the first beast or be killed, by means of miraculous deeds –“he had power to give life unto the image of the beast, that the image of the beast should both speak, and cause that as many as would not worship the image of the beast should be killed”.

As well as this kind of televisual idol worship, the 666 beast can also bring fire down from the sky and causes a mark to appear on everyone’s right hand or forehead “that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark”. I feel the stirrings of a sci-fi dystopian setting coming on.

Revelations 14

“And the smoke of their torment ascendeth up for ever and ever: and they have no rest day nor night, who worship the beast and his image, and whosoever receiveth the mark of his name.”

So far, a series of beasts and dragons have been footling around making people worship them and putting marks on them; now God and his followers fight back. They have their own marked followers, 144,000 who are presumably the ones from the twelve tribes that were marked earlier. Some angels fly around announcing “Fear God, and give glory to him; for the hour of his judgment is come: and worship him that made heaven, and earth, and the sea, and the fountains of waters” and that “Babylon is fallen, is fallen, that great city, because she made all nations drink of the wine of the wrath of her fornication”.

Those with the mark of the beast are eternally tortured for God’s amusement – “and he shall be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels, and in the presence of the Lamb. And the smoke of their torment ascendeth up for ever and ever: and they have no rest day nor night, who worship the beast and his image, and whosoever receiveth the mark of his name”. Meanwhile yet more angels with sickles reap “harvest of the earth” and put it into a giant winepress which gives out blood.

Okay….

Revelation 15

“And I saw another sign in heaven, great and marvellous, seven angels having the seven last plagues; for in them is filled up the wrath of God.”

We return for a brief scene-setting chapter on the sea of glass before the Throne of God. Seven angels armed with the “seven plagues” appear, and are given “golden vials full of the wrath of God”. The beasts sing praises of Moses and the Lamb, and no-one can yet enter the temple until the seven last plagues have passed.

And that’s it. I suspect the seven plagues will be described in lascivious detail in the next few chapters.